Charles lived on his potato farm all by himself.
He spent most of the time planting potatoes, watching them grow, and harvesting them.
Then he sold them to french fry barons and was well compensated for his efforts.
This meant Charles could afford lots of things.
He had a big truck for driving in the fields.
He had a little hybrid for driving to town.
He had a smoothy machine.
He had a low density foam roller and a high density foam roller.
Money was no object for Charles.
So when he decided to buy a little cow he was able to use his debit card and pay it in one shot instead of breaking it into monthly payments.
Charles named his little cow Maavis and put her in a pen he got from Ikea.
She was very cute and tiny. She was so little she couldn’t even say “moo”.
She could only say “mo”.
The first night in her pen she “mo’d” so loud Charles brought her inside.
Just for one night.
Just for one week.
Just for one month.
Charles was tired of cleaning up Maavis’ poop in his house. Even little cow’s poop lots.
He tried to get her to go outside but she wouldn’t leave the house.
He pushed and pulled but she wouldn’t budge.
He begged but she didn’t care.
He stood at the window and made his eyes really big to make her think exciting things were happening outside – but she wasn’t fooled.
He purposely left magazines open so she would see the advertising for cattle prods.
He tried to get her to wear a diaper, but she squirmed out of it.
One day at supper he pleaded with her, “Maavis, why won’t you just go outside?”
Maavis said, “I am really mo’ of an indoor cow.”
Charles said “Then we are going to need to have some rules.”
Maavis was open to rules. As long as she could give Charles some rules too.
Charles felt this was a bit pushy but lacked assertiveness, so he just got out a sheet of paper and wrote “RULES” on the top.
Maavis went first. She would like a rule which kept Charles from walking around the house in just his gitch.
Charles wanted Maavis to get potty trained immediately.
Maavis asked if there could be a rule of no country music and if Charles could become a vegan.
Charles thought it would be good if Maavis didn’t play so many games on the ipad.
Maavis felt like sometimes if she suggested an idea Charles wouldn’t listen but if anyone else suggested the same idea he listened really well.
Charles wrote down “Listen to Maavis” as a rule.
Maavis didn’t want Charles to listen to her because he had to, but because he wanted to.
Charles was confused. Maavis was angry.
They stared at each other for awhile.
“Look”, said Charles softly “I think we got carried away. Let’s just keep it simple. How about you get potty trained and I’ll wear pants around the house a little more.”
“Deal” said Maavis.